I Sort Of Hate The Word Fiance

Antonis Achilleos / TheKnot.com

Antonis Achilleos

How do you introduce your soon-to-be-spouse? Fiancé is the obvious choice. The definition, according to Merriam-Webster, refers to someone soon to be married. (If you’re interested, fiancé refers to a man who’s about to be married, and fiancée to a woman who is soon-to-be wed. Who knew?)

But to me, no matter how you spell it, it seems like such a strange word…and I sort of hate it. I’m not the only one — Seinfeld’s Elaine addressed it in the episode The Stranded.

Like the woman in the clip, I don’t speak French. Every time I say this particular word I feel like I should be wearing a beret and possibly eating a croissant while doing so. It also seems odd to lead an introduction with such personal information (engagement, wedding planning, etc.).

The problem is, when I introduce my soon-to-be-husband as my boyfriend, it doesn’t seem to represent the gravitas of the situation we find ourselves in. The worst part is when I introduce him as such, people who know “the truth” take it upon themselves to helpfully say “you mean your fiancé!!” Clearly, I am privy to this information and for whatever reason chose not to broadcast it. I am tempted to reply “Wait, what….? I’m engaged? That’s so cool — and certainly explains this diamond ring I seem to be wearing. Thanks!” Sometimes, I try to avoid both terms and go with a simple “This is [my guy’s first name].” It’s factual, if not utterly romantic.

Since we’re getting married in a shorter amount of time (hopefully within six months), I’m viewing this awkward attribution issue as something to be weathered, like the flu…or adolescence. There’s an end in sight — one where I’ll use the traditional, English, easy-to- say “husband.” But definitely not “hubby”.

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  • Kelsey
    02/06/14 at 06:35

    My soon to be husband has taken to refering to me as his “gunna be wife.” Talk about romantic.

  • 02/06/14 at 07:39

    Gunna be wife/ Gunna be husband actually has a cute little sound to it. Much better than fiancé.

  • Melissa
    02/06/14 at 07:45

    I couldnt agree more! I always cringe a little when calling him my fiance! I just feel haughty using that word. Ugh! Well in 4 months we will be married and I have no problem calling him my Husband ;)

  • DeAnna
    02/06/14 at 08:12

    I couldn’t wait to get engaged just so I could say FIANCE! But now that I am it seems so weird to say it. & I used to be one of those people who would say to people “You mean fiance!” I happen to still love the word (I love the french language) but it is so weird in conversation!

  • Haleigh
    02/06/14 at 08:12

    I loved calling my husband “fiance” before we were married. I just always looked forward to using the word. Same with husband. And especially with him. :)

  • Clotilde
    02/06/14 at 10:11

    I don’t really get your statement and have the awkward feeling that you might be a little bit “frencophobe”

  • Jana
    02/11/14 at 09:06

    I agree! I don’t like the word fiancé. I feel like a snob when I use it, like I’m trying to throw it in their face or that I am being pretentious. I wish there was another word for soon to be wed.

  • Dana
    03/09/14 at 09:59

    After the initial getting used to it period, I don’t mind the word fiancé. It’s kind of second nature after our year engagement. But then again I also intend to call him my hubby. It’s quicker. :)

  • Laura
    03/23/14 at 09:58

    I have the same problem – we have been engaged for 12 months and I still hesitate when talking about my ‘husband to be’. I go from partner to fiance… back to partner. Looking forward to being able to say husband in 5 weeks… 5 days (not that Im counting!)

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Escort cards are extremely easy to personalize and an excellent way to bring in your wedding day colors -- from calligraphed seating cards set atop a textured linen to apples tagged with each guest's name or small personalized bundles of lavender tied off with string. Other ways to display escort cards: Pin them to a clothesline, post them on a board covered in color-coordinated ribbon, or incorporate them into your cocktail hour using personalized stirrers tagged with guests' names.
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